Are We Praising Too Much? By Hannah Du Plessis

When you attend any class today, you often hear the teacher say "Well done!" or "that's excellent work" or "Susan is listening so nicely" or "Thank you, Johnny for doing such neat and tidy work."

Is praise a good thing or is it a form of control? Who benefits by praise?

Praising kids would certainly work in the short run as they are hungry for attention and praise. However, using it too often can have damaging effects. Kids need our approval and they need love. They need support and encouragement. But praise shouldn't be used too lavishly. Here's why:

Verbal rewards used to reinforce good behaviour has less to do with the emotional needs of the child you "reward" than your need for convenience. It is therefore used purely to manipulate. The teacher is then exploiting the child's dependence on the need for approval, and is therefore taking advantage of the child's needs to turn it into their favour. Is this not a form of bullying?

Apart from that, children become reliant on our decisions, our evaluations about what is good and what is bad, rather than learning it for themselves. They become "praise junkies." The more we praise the more kids need it. Children who learn this way are less likely to work something out for themselves and to persist in difficult tasks as they become dependent on approval every step of the way, and lose interest if they don't get it.

Making kids dependent on praise steals their sense of accomplishment as they start doing things to please others instead of finding things out for themselves. Once kids are dependent on positive comments, they feel pressured in keeping it up. The focus is on creating positive comments instead of the work at hand. Their interest declines as they have to concentrate on keeping the positive comments going, instead of satisfying their natural curiosity, It stifles growth, independence, interest and pleasure.

Consider this: Susan is sharing her lunch with a poor student. Would you rather she do it because it is the right thing to do, or because she gets praised for it? What does she learn by being praised?

Would you rather your children find a passion for your subject, or learn to depend on approval?

Hannah du Plessis is an ex music teacher living in New Zealand with her husband and two boys. She is working as a Psychometric Testing Expert, helping employers, recruitment specialists, career advisers and Sales Professionals finding people with unique talents and gifts that match the kind of person they are looking for.

Personality Test Breakthrough - Discover Energy Profiling By Sandy Bidinger

I bet we all have taken those personality tests in school or for a prospective employer that is supposed to help us, and them, to better understand our natural tendencies and strengths. It can be valuable and fun information to have but kind of dry and impractical. What do you really take away from those tests that you can apply and use to improve your quality of life? A lot of the time I learn and judge those parts of myself as things I wish I could change. I often look at the qualities of the other types and yearn to be more like them and that's not very supportive. Usually, I can identify with the overall group which the test assesses most reflects my personality type, but knowing that doesn't really help me figure out much about going through life or accepting myself for the way I am.

Recently I discovered a way of profiling my personality so unlike any other I've ever known that I had to create this article to spread the word...it's that life-changing!

I read this book It's Just My Nature! by Carol Tuttle and I discovered such profound revelations about why I am the way I am and how embracing and living my true nature is one of the greatest gifts I could give myself.

I am a seeker of personal development and what interests me is how to better myself and how to improve my relationships with others. Psychology and human behavior fascinates me and I think everyone should have the benefit of feeling validated in who they truly are and also have the insight of learning the strengths and weaknesses inherent in their nature.

The system is called Energy Profiling.

It breaks personality profiles down into four distinct "Types" and uniquely relates them to actual elements and movements in nature.

Type 1: Nitrogen, Upward, Light with a gift for Ideas, essence of Lightness

Type 2: Oxygen, Fluid, Flowing with a gift for Details, essence of Connectedness

Type 3: Hydrogen, Active, Reactive with a gift for Action, essence of Sureness

Type 4: Carbon, Constant, Still with a gift for Perfecting, essence of Stillness

Each of us leads with one of these Types as a dominant quality and tends towards another as a close secondary quality. But each of the 4 Types are in us all and this system perfectly illustrates and describes them in such amazing detail that you will not believe how well you will be able to understand and recognize yourself.

You rarely see a personality test go into such detail as describing these tendencies.

Behavior Tendencies:

* Relationships, Social, Timeliness

* Work, Money, Physical Activity

Body Language:

* Walking, Sitting/Standing, Voice/Language

* Doodling, Personal Space, Interior Design

Physical Features:

* Skin and Skin Texture

* Face Shape, Cheeks, Nose, Eyebrows, Eyes, Hands

Interactions and Expressions:

* Learn how your energy Type affects others

* Learn how to create a successful relationship with each Type...the Dos and Don'ts

* Learn each Type's natural gifts and talents, how they process information, their leadership tendencies

* Learn what common expressions each Type often hears from others that conflicts with their natural movements

* Discover common challenges that can occur when you express your leading Type too dominantly

In the short time that I have become aware of this information, I have found that I am now just naturally noticing and identifying these traits in the people around me and am using the knowledge to improve the quality of my relationships.

The real gift is that you will learn to embrace and appreciate even those personality traits that you have judged to be faults, weaknesses, conflicts or annoyances.

This is simply some of most enlightening, supportive and useful information that I could recommend for anyone's personal development.

Can you grasp how helpful having the knowledge of your Energy Profile can be as a spouse, a parent, an employer or employee? I actually have the ability now to quickly study a person's face and body language to get a pretty clear picture of their Type and anticipate their natural behaviors.

Make the choice to open up to this new awareness so you can embrace, understand and live your true nature too.

Visit my website here It's a practical guide to learning the Universal and Spiritual Laws that will empower your personal development growth. It emphasizes the science of Energy, the Law Of Attraction, Emotional Freedom Techniques and the pursuit of expanded consciousness.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy By Julia Barnard

Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) emerged in the 1950s when psychologists became interested in whether thought processes were learned in the same way as behaviour is. It stemmed from behaviour therapy which focused only on behaviour. The common precept behind CBT is that the way we think has a major influence on our subsequent emotions and behaviours. It is possible however to change the way with think and as such bring about emotional and behavioural change. Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) is just one type of cognitive behaviour therapy.

REBT was pioneered by Albert Ellis who personally used the techniques he taught his clients during his own long life (he died in 2007 aged 93). Essentially, people display both rational and irrational thoughts. Too many irrational thoughts can impact on life, causing unhappiness, anxiety, depression and so on. REBT aims to teach clients the difference between rational and irrational thinking. Irrational thinking is thinking that essentially makes little logical sense, or fails to stand up to the evidence. 'Bad things always happen to me', 'I must not fail' are examples of irrational thinking.

Although irrational thoughts may have evolved over years and stem from childhood, REBT does not focus on the past. Rather it works with what is going on for the client right now and aims to help people accept themselves and others as they are, including their imperfections.

REBT therapists follow an ABC approach. A refers to the activating event that causes concern for a person (e.g. standing on a ladder). B is the belief held by the person about A (I am going to fall to my death). C is the consequence of that belief (anxiety, shaking, avoiding ladders). The important point is that it is a person's belief that led to the consequence, not the event itself. Another person may have no problems standing on a ladder, as they know they are safe.

Having understood the link between beliefs and the subsequent consequences, the therapist works to help the client recognise that their beliefs are irrational and should be challenged. This is known as disputing. The client may undergo many types of activities to recognise that their thinking is illogical. The person fearing the ladder comes to recognise the belief that they will die is an irrational one.

Finally the client learns to replace their old, irrational beliefs with more realistic ones that enable more appropriate behaviours. As such they have changed the consequence. 'I can be safe on the ladder, I just have to be careful.' allows the person to use a ladder without fear. The client would engage in behaviours that reinforce their new beliefs.

Once the technique is learned, the client is able to use it in their life ever onwards. They recognise the impact thoughts have on their subsequent feelings and behaviours

Copyright Julia Barnard 2009

Julia Barnard is a professional counsellor living in Adelaide, Australia. She provides an online counselling service through her website http://www.makethechange.com.au, which offers counselling at a time and place that suits you. Julia also writes articles and tips for the website aimed at enhancing wellbeing and promoting good mental health.